I have been back from Sudan for almost 6 weeks now. Last Sunday at church I vividly relived an experience I had in Sudan. It meant little to me at the time, but now I understand why I had it: so that I could know God's love for me more.
In the middle of worship the Lord revived my memory of the day I slaughtered a goat in Sudan. It was so bloody, so messy, and just horrific. The Father and the Son went through this horrible ordeal for me. When I killed the goat, I felt it's life-blood on my hands. I'm not about to get theological, but I wonder, did the Father feel the life of His Son in his hands? They suffered so much.
I also remember, although I was not present for the experience, the second goat we slaughtered in Sudan. I heard the story that Jonathan had the knife on the goat's neck when Donato came running: "Not that goat! Not that goat!" He came and spared the goat's life. A different goat was killed. That is what Jesus did for me. When the knife was put to my throat, He came running, yelling "Not that goat! Not that goat! I love him!" He came and He spared me, and placed Himself under the knife that was meant for me. His life was taken. Blood and water flowed from His side. The Father watched as He died.
O Lord, your love is so good.
The Lord showed me these things and much more during worship last Sunday, and I left knowing His love for me unlike ever before.
I am back in SLO for college. I am still working on a video documentary of my experience in Sudan. It will be released soon.